6:15 this morning: “BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK.”

“One of these days, Bear Cub,” I growled, “I’m gonna put my foot up your ass.”

So here I am! And it’s way too early to be awake when one isn’t working. Seriously, what am I supposed to do with this surplus of hours? Responsible Liz says, “Continuing education“. Irresponsible Liz says, “Google “red hooded coats” for three hours“.

I bought these adorable turquoise socks with pink hearts at “Display & Costume”, in the “Clown” section, but ne’er mind that. I spotted them last year and thought they were too “young” for me, but this year I decided SCREW IT. YOLO! YOLO! (barf)

Oh yes, yes…I hear you, I hear youuuuu! I took some self-portraits with these babies yesterday. I can’t see anything when I have them on, but I’m pretty sure they’re fabulous.

I got the black ones for the Peg Bundy costume. Of course I already have 15 pairs of false eyelashes, but what’s two more? Hmmm? I still have a few eyelash extensions left, but they may fall out in the next week and a half.

We watched a documentary about a German artist who likes to paint big, grey paintings (no, really) and has assistants who strain his paints through cheesecloth to remove the lumps before he paints (I would LOVE that!). One of the assistants mentioned “no earth tones”…yes! And duh, Jezebel, are we really surprised that creative people tend to be crazy?*

I hadn’t watered the outdoor plants in a few days because it’s been raining, so imagine my surprise (and disgust) to find this ENORMOUS white mushroom growing out of the squash plant. Ewww!

I removed all the dead leaves and accidentally uprooted the mushroom. Then I didn’t really know what to do with it (it had a spider on it too, which always makes everything worse), so I tossed it on the ground, where it exploded into a hundred spongy fragments. Now we’ll probably have a whole forest of mushy white mushrooms on the ground.

But look at what I also uncovered, hiding near the base of the pot! One large, green squash! Who knew?

* nope.