Corinne and I had one of those feverish 1.5-hour-long phone conversations the other day, during which I paced in the backyard and got a little sun on my shoulders. Near the end I casually mentioned how “Petticoat Junction” had called and told me my silver petticoat had arrived, but I was going to wait until payday to pick it up.

“I wanna go get a petticoat!” exclaimed Corinne, and that was all the encouragement I needed. Payday? Eh, it’ll come soon enough. Off we went!

“Petticoat Junction”, like “Red Light”, is an intense, mania-inducing pilgrimage I can only take once or twice a year, maximum. With two stories stuffed wall-to-wall with every imaginable color/consistency of petticoat, racks of glittery cha-cha heels, and an entire room of tights and leotards, the potential for abuse is VERY HIGH.

I’d only ever gone by myself before, but it was even more exciting going with Corinne, whose zest and obsession matched my own! Hooray!

We deemed this pastel rainbow petticoat adorable, but not quite right for Corinne. She’s not a pastels girl. Jewel tones!

Now we’re talking.

Look at that cuh-luh. Note Corinne’s tee-shirt: “I heart boys“, with cartoon characters. Yes ma’am.

The moment they presented the silver petticoat to me I put it on, and wore it the entire time we browsed the store, like a maniac. Wouldn’t you?

I started calling it “the spaceship” because of the way it retains its shape when you set it on the floor. The spaceship takes up a lot of space.

I missed the turn for the shop and had to park in an adjacent u-haul parking lot. On our way back to the car after leaving “Petticoat Junction” we ran into a dude in the u-haul parking lot who exclaimed, “Wow! Those are amazing!”, gazing at our petticoats.

“Doesn’t it look like a spaceship?” I yelled, fluttering the spaceship at him.

“Yeah! Where’d you get it? My wife would love that,” he said, grinning at us.

“Right over there!” I pointed to the store. “You should take your wife!”

He snorted. “Yeah right! She’d make me wear one!”

Ooooh ahhhh. The last time I went to the store they only had petticoats with lame trim, but this time they had full lame petticoats in red, copper, and blue.

They are, of course, the most expensive, but…

…just look at that SHINE! Corinne decided that for her next petticoat she’d consider the copper one. It was fabbuu.

We both thought this petticoat had a sequined waistband, but when Corinne went to pull it down we discovered the waistband was merely pinned on. She was disappointed.

“We can add sequined trim at my house!” I told her. “That’s what my box of trim is for!” What else?

In the end Corinne and I decided that a soft petticoat, like my teal one, was the best choice, and magenta is definitely her color. Success!

She also bought some sparkly purple rhinestone earrings and some striped legwarmers made from that obscenely soft minky fabric that I’m crazy about. I’ll have to take in the legwarmers a little to flatter her skinny legs. Another job for the serger. Dammit, I hope that one-on-one serger instructor calls me soon! I need guidance.

After we went back to my place we did our hair and make-up and conveniently had about an hour before it started raining to pose for portraits, taken by the Boy.

Maggie wasn’t particularly interested (probably because the spaceship is right at her eye level and grazed her eyeballs a couple of times), but Bear Cub managed to insert herself into most of the photos. She could sense our excitement!

The Boy’s not completely satisfied with how the photos turned out–the spaceship seems to suck up all the light and and the photos turned out a little too highly contrasted…but I’m happy.

He threw our hoops at us to incorporate into the photo shoot. Smart!

The weather couldn’t have been more perfect. It was 80 degrees, humid as hell but glorious for a petticoat photo shoot. Corinne crimped her hair with the crimper I nabbed from my parents house on my last trip home.

“Nobody crimps their hair any more,” I told her. “Let’s bring it back!” She agreed.

Corinne didn’t have her wardrobe at my house so she wore my lace tank top and boots, which were too big for her, but who can tell in the photo?

“Give us direction!” I said to the Boy. “You know, tell us to “WERK“!”

Figuring out different poses off the top of my head is hard for me. It’s hard to be the director and the model at the same time. We did our best!

I intend on turning one of these photos into the portrait of us that Corinne commissioned from me last year. She’s lost weight and gained a shitload of confidence, and it shows!

The hardest part will be choosing which photo to paint.

Of course, no matter which photo I choose, I know that it will be 47384723 times better than my most recent attempt at a portrait of us (ugh).

Life is only getting bett-uh!

I considered wearing my teal petticoat for the photoshoot, but ultimately there was no way I could not wear the spaceship. I mean, look at it.

“I’m 50 years old, and I can kick, streeeeetch, and kick!”

Not only did Corinne give me permission to post these photos on Blerpbook, but she even told me I could tag her in them, which I had never done before. So I did. I did my first tag, and I felt a little dirty.

Blerpbook may come and go, but Petticoat Fever is for LIFE.

For better or for worse? BETTER!

Back to the eye doctor today to report on the contacts she gave me to try out (verdict: too dry) and hopefully to pick up my new glasses. I hope I wasn’t too mesmerized by the adorable girl who picked them out for me and still like them. I suspect I will. I seem to recall that the color of the outside of the frames matches my hair, and the inside is lavender. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?